May 30, 2016

“Thank you for my involvement with this unfortunate patient.”

“I feel sorry for her as I have not been able to help her.”

“Non specific abnormalities”

“Unfit for work, unknown timeline”

I had to get copies of my latest doctor notes to send to disability, to give them an update on my situation, and these are examples of what is contained in those notes. Unfortunate? Screw you Dr. Asshole. Maybe if just one of them would bother to truly listen to me I wouldn’t be so unfortunate.

I have been feeling better in general though. I can walk further without needing a rest, and my good days are much better than they used to be, and I have more of them. My bad days aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be too. I’ve been trying so hard. I’ve set a goal of 7000 steps a day, 4 times a week and to do easy pilates 2 times a week. I’ve reached that goal every week since I made it. I still have no endurance though, and still need to nap nearly everyday. I still second guess myself all the time, and get mad at myself when my body won’t do the things I want it to do. I still feel guilty for sending my son to daycare, or for having pancakes for supper some days. If only I could get an answer.

Cardiologist said my heart was fine, risk of heart disease very minimal, told me I need counselling and antidepressants. It was an awful appointment and he was very dismissive and didn’t listen at all. Gastro scope found non specific abnormalities and now isn’t even sure if I have Celiac disease or not. Waiting for internalist, but not holding my breath. Uncle said he’d call and hasn’t yet. No direction to go, no end in sight.