January 19, 2016
It’s funny how sometimes a good thing can make you feel sad. I finally got the nerve to go visit work today. I forgot how funny (and also offensive) they can be. It felt good to laugh, and be welcomed back right away, taking my place around the table as if I’d never left. It was nice to hear about what was going on, and get the updates on everything. When asked about my health all I could really say is that I have good days and bad days, and fade as the day goes on. One of the ladies commented that from what she saw I was doing so much better since last time I was there I was using a walker and today I just had the cane. I did say that I pretty much just don’t leave the house when I need the wheelchair, but I didn’t really dwell on it. People like seeing improvement, and who am I to take that away? Her opinion really has no effect on my progress anyway, and if I chose to get annoyed by her oversimplification, I’m just wasting my energy. Besides, humans are optimistic by nature, it’s a survival skill. I talked for a bit with my boss and gave him a real update, if you can even call it that since I really have no new information. It was wonderful to hear though, that they’ll make something work for me when I can get back, even if it has to be an office job. I told him I was thinking about going back to school if I have to go the office route, since my technical diploma may not allow me a challenging enough office job. All in all it was a good visit, both personally and professionally, but I guess it brought the sense of loss further up to the surface.
I saw the endocrinologist last week. He changed dosages on 4 out of 5 of my medications. He said I needed to get a follow-up with the neurologist, even when I told him about how I tried already. I’ll book an appointment with my regular doctor soon to see what’s next. After 23 years of being a vegetarian I’ve started eating chicken and fish. I consider that a testimony to how desperately I want to get better. At this point I will try anything.
The purging has made it’s way to the junk drawer and the tool cabinet. I have empty cabinets in the kitchen, 2 empty dressers in the basement and empty shelves in both my son’s closet and my bathroom. I’m getting quotes to fix some issues in the basement and got asked if we just moved in. We’ve been here for 9 years.